For years I thought Germans were arrogant. So was my dog until I understood the connection
Expat founders and foreign workers living in Germany, or with German managers, Better you don't be taken as someone weak and dubious.
1/15/20263 min read
I left my country.
Learned the language.
Worked hard.
But I was still invisible.
In 2004 I arrived in Spain, and by 2005 I was working at a hotel with exclusively German tourists—without speaking a word of German.
It took years.
Endless Netflix with subtitles, awkward conversations where my voice trembled, and countless questions to coworkers about how to say this or that. But even when I could speak it, I still didn't feel like their equal.
Like so many people from other countries, I felt less than the Germans.
And when you feel less than, your body screams it: you lower your gaze, words get stuck in your throat, you feel like an expired jelly, and you apologize for existing.
And they noticed.
This made many of them (not all) grow bolder, displaying behaviors that… well, let's say, arrogant.
For a long time I thought -like most people do- that this was just their nature. And it created some resentment. I won't deny it.
Until I understood something: This also happens when you walk your dog and he's a stronger character than you.
The dog walks you and pulls the leash.
Not the other way around.
This doesn't mean the dog is an arrogant jerk. He simply occupies the space you allow him.
Same with the Germans.
I discovered it by chance. Or out of desperation…
I had to speak German—there was no other option—so I had to hustle hard. But something shifted when I started copying everything: the accent, the tone, the volume. That characteristic punch in how they spoke.
Inside, I felt intimidated.
That took time to change.
But they NO longer perceived me that way, and my tips tripled.
Not overnight. But within weeks I noticed the difference.
I made three times more tips than coworkers who spoke fluent German and had years more experience than me.
The difference?
They spoke passively.
And Germans naturally speak actively.
I confirmed this was true when I shared "my secret" with them, and they also tripled their tips within days.
Why are Germans like this?
The secret lies in their language and everything that shaped it: their history, their way of life, their social structure. This gives them that "extra" sense of confidence that's often perceived as arrogance. (There are also arrogant Germans, just like in every country.)
So why am I telling you this?
Because you live in an immigrant world. And you probably are one too.
Wherever you go, there are people from other countries building a new life—from the person selling groceries to the CEO of a company. And if you want to stand out, being good is no longer enough.
You must appear good.
Understanding the cultural code of where you live—and copying some of its elements—is the fastest way to do it.
Today I live in Germany and work at the country's largest commercial airport.
Every day I speak with air traffic control, airline representatives, pilots, and people where communication must be safe, clear, and direct.
It's not about stopping being who you are.
It's about speaking the invisible language of the place where you're building a life.
What for?
For the project presentation to the board of directors based in Munich,
To present the report to the commercial director, who is of Russian origin,
For the meeting with the new potential investor, who lives in Chicago,
To make life easier with your partner who is of Asian origin.
To be happy like Hispanics.
Is it too little?
In which country do you live/work, and what cultural code have you had to navigate?
Read you in the comments.