If You’re Not Stupid Why Can’t You Stop Tripping Over The Same Stone?

image by Miles Johnston

An alien would wonder whether we have it hard to learn, or we like to suffer.

We’re the only ones who stumble twice -or more- over the same stone. Why?

Mery was a smart pretty young woman.

And a professional at screwing things up.

She was involved in a car accident in a car accident when she was a child. That day after visiting the family doctor due to a belly ache, Mery and her mother arrived home early. Mery rushed inside because she was missing her favorite show on TV. But the moment she reached the living room she froze.

Her mother noticed the sudden silence in the girl and rushed to her. Then she found her husband having sex with a guy on the couch.

Mery’s mother took her in her arms and ran to the car.

She put the keys in the key slot.

Turned on the car.

Stepped on the gas pedal.

And sped off without knowing where to go.

It didn’t matter where. Only to escape as far and as possible from the scene they had witnessed.

They didn’t get too far.

As they were leaving the neighborhood a truck rammed into them.

Mery’s mother had run all the traffic lights in her frantic driving. The car was wrecked and they were both trapped inside until firefighters arrived about twenty minutes later. Both survived with a few scratches and bumps.

Mery was in psychological therapy for a while, and her parents separated. A few months later she was back to her old cheerful self.

But something went wrong.

I will be brief.

She quit school and ended up involved in drugs and prostitution.

Why?

• Was she guilty of seeing her father “doing stuff” with a guy?

• Did God hate her?

• Didn’t the therapy help her, therefore her life turned into a nightmare?

At the age of 21, Mery hit rock bottom and was placed in a rehabilitation center.

Life was smiling at her again.

Mery rebuilt her life. She finished high school, got a job, and enrolled in college to study sociology.

I’ll be brief once more.

Again prostitution, even harder drugs, and a violent partner.

It was usual to see her with purple and swollen eyes in those days.

I can't tell Mery’s current status. We are still friends, and I am allowed to tell her story up to here.

But… Why did she relapse?

Why do we trip over the same stone, over and over?

Mery case is especially hard. Yet the same happens to most of us in less destructive ways producing endless frustration and life setbacks. Why?

If you want to know the unseen reason for such behavior, read on.

If not, Stop here.

The next time you see someone struggling to overcome something you don’t, please don’t judge.

Come back to finish reading the post and understand the issue better.

When you are in danger, your brain responds in three possible ways:

1. Thinking and Doing (MPC Medial Prefrontal Cortex). It is when we ask for help.

2. We prepare to flee or fight (LB Limbic Brain). We speed up, clench our fists, breathing stops, maximum attention.

3. We paralyze and disconnect (RB Reptilian Brain). We go blank, emotions and sensations disappear.

Your brain triggers 1 of the 3 emergency systems depending on the intensity and danger of the situation.

I land it more so you understand it.

• When Mery told her mother she had a bellyache, they went to the doctor. Mery’s brain used the 1st danger defense system (MPC).

• When Mery’s mother ran out of the house with the little girl and fled in the car. Her brain had activated the 2nd defense system (LB) “Fight or flight”.

• When they had the car accident, and were trapped until the firefighters arrived. Their brains activated the 3rd defense system (RB). They were in shock.

"If you walk into a pet store you will notice puppy dogs calling for help by fidgeting, barking, or howling (LB Second system).. In contrast, lizards and snakes are frozen in a corner of the cage. They do not move and barely breathe. They are petrified (RP third defense system)". Explains Bessel Van der Kolk in his wonderful book The Body Keeps the Score.

The disconnection between body's sensations and the person's mind is the key.

Mery’s brain learned that in order to survive, she had to “ turn off” the emotions and sensations of the five senses.

The body sends this information to the brain.

It analyzes the data and detects threats around us before we’re aware of it (a malicious look, a bump, a stranger running towards us unexpectedly) and activates one of the defense systems if needed.

The hunches, the goosebumps on the arm, and the feeling of discomfort in the body, among others, are danger signals our brain sends us to get out of that place quickly, immediately get rid of that snakey scammer, and recognize when someone is just telling us what we want to hear.

If you’re tripping over the same stone, perhaps you turned off these brain danger detection systems and you aren’t aware of it.

Yoga and Meditation as a daily practice are the two most effective ways to reactivate the brain's Danger Detection Systems.

A hug, Liam

The Rebelliam